I dream about a house in the forest. It's near mountains and just by a little lake. Everything is quiet and I live far away from cities and other people. Nobody really knows we are there. We. That's me, my daughter and A. There are no clouds in the sky and no problems we have to deal with. Life is easy.
If I could make and sell enough to support myself... I have a goal. Even the smallest sale is victory. If I make $ 5, I am happy for days. $ 5 don't pay the rent though. I will have to do better. Sometimes I ask myself what I am doing and why I am doing it. How on earth will I ever afford the house in the forest? Maybe I should just accept that I am here in a concrete suburb, with a boring day job. Lonely. Most of the time alone.
I force myself to remember the goal. The house. I go back to my yarn, sit down, open the door to creativity. Flow. One day. Soon. Maybe even later today.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
The Hedgehog Who Loves Bumblebees
I thought I'd try something new. I mean... frogs are cool and everything and the word frog rhymes with hedgehog.
Hedgehogs. The future of this planet.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
To Rescue A Swan
For three years, me and my daughter have followed the swan couple and their cygnets down by the lake. The very first time we spotted them, it was the male swan who approached us. I remember the clear blue sky and the sun shining on my face. The swan was whiter than snow and his coat looked to soft. I wished I could touch him, but I knew I couldn't go near him... unless I wanted to get attacked, of course. The male swan was aggressive, we learned, but it's in his nature, so we kept our distance and admired him and the female whenever they came swimming, we fed them bread, we talked to them and we smiled when we saw the cygnets. My daughter calls the swans our "buddies" and when we leave them, we tell them to take care and be well.
Five days ago, we went down to the lake to swim. The beach was full of people. The weirdest thing happened. The female swan came ashore and brought her three cygnets. I felt something was very wrong, because she wasn't aggressive at all and she was limping badly. I was watching her, trying to figure out what was wrong. She only hissed a little when the boys teased her and approached her cygnets. She had a fishing hook in her leg and the fishing line was wrapped around it and dragged behind her. Her cygnets stumbled on the fishing line and got stuck in it when they followed her. I froze. Where was the male swan? I made a few phone calls to the police who didn't care and the wildlife rescue team who would send someone down there "later" to have a look - if they could find her. There was nothing I could do and the most horrible scenarios took place in my head. The female swan, drowning. The female swan tied to her drowned cygnets. The whole swan family dying in the water. There were thousands of places she could get stuck! It broke my heart.
So I called the wildlife rescue team later that night. No, they hadn't been down there yet. I called again, the following day. Yes, they had been down there but they couldn't find her. Then the woman I talked to said something surprising. Never hesitate to save a wild animal. If you have the chance to catch the swan, do it, she said. I had no idea how to catch a swan! They are huge birds. She explained to me how I could grab her and what could happen when I did. Keep her beak away and watch out for her wings, she said.
That afternoon when we went down to the lake, I wondered where the swan was. Since I always carry yarn and a hook in my purse, there's always a pair of scissors in my purse too. I didn't give it much thought. Catching a swan seemed like a mission impossible, but I really wanted to see that swan without all that fishing line around her. As if she could read my mind, she showed up. No trace of the male. Then my neighbor told me people had found him dead a bit further away, by the boat club. He'd been beaten to death. He'd probably done his job as a male swan - protected his family - attacked the wrong idiot who had given him a blow to his head. Dead. Oh my... Those cygnets had one parent and if anything happened to her. My heart was racing when I saw her come ashore. She went up to a man who fed her bread. She took the bread out of his hand. Her leg was swollen, but the hook was gone.
I made my mind up. I decided I had to act. It was now or never. I addressed the man and told him we needed to save the swan. Would he help me? He said "sure, what do we do" and I explained to him very briefly. I grab her, you hold her wings and take the scissors out of my purse and cut her free. Easy. While I explained, the swan nibbled on my toes. I told my daughter to back off... and then I did it. I grabbed the swan by the neck. She was huge! She was HUGE, but once I had grabbed her, there was no backing out. We had to do it. We would only get one shot, so I held on and her wings struck me as she threw herself backwards.
I only remember fragments. I remember I went down on my knees to grab the wings and stop them from hitting me. I felt her breathing in my left hand with which I held her neck. I was afraid I was going to choke her, so I loosened my grip, but as I did that, she threw herself backwards again. People got up and screamed. What on earth were we doing to the swan. Swearing. Screaming. Threats. Children screaming. I roared that if we didn't cut the fishing line off her legs, she'd die and her cygnets had no other parent and instead of screaming I suggested people helped us to get the job done. One woman got up and helped us. "What do we do?" The man was behind me but I guess he was dumbstruck when he saw those wings which didn't let him near. "We cut her free!" To me it was easy. If she hadn't been so big, I would have done it myself! Oh, people are annoying sometimes! "Just do it, for crying out loud".
I remember I looked over my shoulder to see where my daughter was. I saw the fishing line under the swan's wing. It was cutting its way into her. There was a lot of bird behind me! I saw my hand on her right wing. I felt her breathing. I heard her in my head. The swan was talking. Then she relaxed a little bit. She knew we were only saving her. I talked to her in my head. I told her how much I love her and that I can't let her die, that I am sorry for her loss and that I am only trying to save her. Her feet dug into my leg. I apologized for ruining her beautiful coat... and I smelled her. I wanted to dig my nose into her. She smelled so good. Her feathers were so white. She was so soft and so hard at the same time. I realized my dream had come true. So many times I had wanted to hold her, hug her, touch her and there I was... with the fighting swan in my arms!
"Ok, were done! You can let her go!" I heard the man's voice as from a distance. And I let her go. All those white feathers that had surrounded me... I let her go. I was on my knees in the sand. She threw herself into the water. I was shaking violently. I hadn't noticed how scared I really was of the thing I had just done. I said thank you to the man who had helped me. I didn't see the woman. I got up. I swallowed my tears. I looked at my daughter. "You are bleeding, mom." Yes, I was. My skirt had been torn. My top had been torn. Something was aching in my face and my shoulder was sore. But I had done it. The swan was free. It was worth it. If I had to, I would do it again, but now I know what I'd be up against.
Five days ago, we went down to the lake to swim. The beach was full of people. The weirdest thing happened. The female swan came ashore and brought her three cygnets. I felt something was very wrong, because she wasn't aggressive at all and she was limping badly. I was watching her, trying to figure out what was wrong. She only hissed a little when the boys teased her and approached her cygnets. She had a fishing hook in her leg and the fishing line was wrapped around it and dragged behind her. Her cygnets stumbled on the fishing line and got stuck in it when they followed her. I froze. Where was the male swan? I made a few phone calls to the police who didn't care and the wildlife rescue team who would send someone down there "later" to have a look - if they could find her. There was nothing I could do and the most horrible scenarios took place in my head. The female swan, drowning. The female swan tied to her drowned cygnets. The whole swan family dying in the water. There were thousands of places she could get stuck! It broke my heart.
So I called the wildlife rescue team later that night. No, they hadn't been down there yet. I called again, the following day. Yes, they had been down there but they couldn't find her. Then the woman I talked to said something surprising. Never hesitate to save a wild animal. If you have the chance to catch the swan, do it, she said. I had no idea how to catch a swan! They are huge birds. She explained to me how I could grab her and what could happen when I did. Keep her beak away and watch out for her wings, she said.
That afternoon when we went down to the lake, I wondered where the swan was. Since I always carry yarn and a hook in my purse, there's always a pair of scissors in my purse too. I didn't give it much thought. Catching a swan seemed like a mission impossible, but I really wanted to see that swan without all that fishing line around her. As if she could read my mind, she showed up. No trace of the male. Then my neighbor told me people had found him dead a bit further away, by the boat club. He'd been beaten to death. He'd probably done his job as a male swan - protected his family - attacked the wrong idiot who had given him a blow to his head. Dead. Oh my... Those cygnets had one parent and if anything happened to her. My heart was racing when I saw her come ashore. She went up to a man who fed her bread. She took the bread out of his hand. Her leg was swollen, but the hook was gone.
I made my mind up. I decided I had to act. It was now or never. I addressed the man and told him we needed to save the swan. Would he help me? He said "sure, what do we do" and I explained to him very briefly. I grab her, you hold her wings and take the scissors out of my purse and cut her free. Easy. While I explained, the swan nibbled on my toes. I told my daughter to back off... and then I did it. I grabbed the swan by the neck. She was huge! She was HUGE, but once I had grabbed her, there was no backing out. We had to do it. We would only get one shot, so I held on and her wings struck me as she threw herself backwards.
I only remember fragments. I remember I went down on my knees to grab the wings and stop them from hitting me. I felt her breathing in my left hand with which I held her neck. I was afraid I was going to choke her, so I loosened my grip, but as I did that, she threw herself backwards again. People got up and screamed. What on earth were we doing to the swan. Swearing. Screaming. Threats. Children screaming. I roared that if we didn't cut the fishing line off her legs, she'd die and her cygnets had no other parent and instead of screaming I suggested people helped us to get the job done. One woman got up and helped us. "What do we do?" The man was behind me but I guess he was dumbstruck when he saw those wings which didn't let him near. "We cut her free!" To me it was easy. If she hadn't been so big, I would have done it myself! Oh, people are annoying sometimes! "Just do it, for crying out loud".
I remember I looked over my shoulder to see where my daughter was. I saw the fishing line under the swan's wing. It was cutting its way into her. There was a lot of bird behind me! I saw my hand on her right wing. I felt her breathing. I heard her in my head. The swan was talking. Then she relaxed a little bit. She knew we were only saving her. I talked to her in my head. I told her how much I love her and that I can't let her die, that I am sorry for her loss and that I am only trying to save her. Her feet dug into my leg. I apologized for ruining her beautiful coat... and I smelled her. I wanted to dig my nose into her. She smelled so good. Her feathers were so white. She was so soft and so hard at the same time. I realized my dream had come true. So many times I had wanted to hold her, hug her, touch her and there I was... with the fighting swan in my arms!
"Ok, were done! You can let her go!" I heard the man's voice as from a distance. And I let her go. All those white feathers that had surrounded me... I let her go. I was on my knees in the sand. She threw herself into the water. I was shaking violently. I hadn't noticed how scared I really was of the thing I had just done. I said thank you to the man who had helped me. I didn't see the woman. I got up. I swallowed my tears. I looked at my daughter. "You are bleeding, mom." Yes, I was. My skirt had been torn. My top had been torn. Something was aching in my face and my shoulder was sore. But I had done it. The swan was free. It was worth it. If I had to, I would do it again, but now I know what I'd be up against.
My Swan.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Once upon a time, not long ago...
...I didn't know how to crochet. I just couldn't get it. Hook through something, yarn over, pull yarn through whatever you put the hook through in the first place (yarn, your eye, a car window, someone's ribcage). I couldn't even chain the right way. I certainly didn't know how to increase or decrease and I had no perception of bouillon stitches, block stitches, bobbles or what was the difference between a back loop or a front loop.
My name is P. I have a daughter who is five. One day she asked me if I could make her a rabbit. I said sure. Yes, I actually said sure. And I meant it. I bought a book. I bought a hook and yarn. Of course the pattern I chose said "experienced". And the rabbit? Well... It has goofy eyes and I made a thousand mistakes, but it is a rabbit alright. I thought to myself that if THAT was a pattern for someone "experienced" I was born a yarn pro without knowing it.
This is where it all begun. This is the rabbit which made it all happen. Today I am a yarn junkie. I have my own currency. Skeins. A train ticket is X skeins of this-or-that yarn. Nowadays I make frogs. Frogs are made wherever I go. My favorite place to crochet is on the train to work. A distance isn't miles or kilometers. Distance is converted into X frog body parts. Commuting to work is four legs and a head, if I make a plain frog without any specific details. The hours between breakfast and lunch is a frog body with a dress, if I have the day off and have nothing to tend to (like my home - which I love neglecting so I can spend more time in Frog Land).
Welcome to the Made By Clifford blog! There are thirty frogs I'd like you to meet!
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